Today I woke up with anxiety. A heavy weight on my chest of uncertainty. With so many ‘what if’s’ running through my head I found myself losing control. The emotions come in waves. Some people will call this an overreaction, I call it being human. Perhaps I am more sensitive because I have not yet emotionally and mentally recovered from the devastation of the Tennessee tornado, a deadly act of Mother Nature that hit so close to home. You read about what we are experiencing and never really think a deadly pandemic is something that will happen in your lifetime, until it does. Then, you are smacked in the face with the reality that life will play out and you truly have no control.
For the first time in my life, I have no control. Most days I wake up living in my perfect little bubble of life. I work hard, rock motherhood and love on my family. Most days my thoughts are consumed with the next grand idea on how to build my brand and how to take our family business to the next level. How to build an even better life for my daughter. However, this pandemic came out of nowhere and exploded my bubble. Suddenly, I can’t seem to find my groove. I am stuck on pause wishing I could hit the fast forward button.
Before the virus spread I never really watched the news. I know that is horrible, but it is the truth. I would turn on the TV and watch my favorites. Bravo is my go to channel. I am a total sucker for The Real Housewives & Vanderpump Rules. However, these days I am addicted to the news. I have it on from the moment I wake up to right before I go to bed. I watch as the numbers climb. I never miss the Coronavirus Task Force update. I have become consumed with watching and praying for positive updates. I read the articles from Italy and around the world in disbelief anticipating what is yet to come. I drive my poor husband crazy with my worry and questions as he is in the medical field and has a better understanding.
These last few weeks have changed me. The last few days of not being able to leave my house have really effected me. Today I felt it to my core. I’ve always been driven to accomplish my goals. Working hard to have the best of the best. Now, I couldn’t care less about the superficial things in life. None of that matters without health. None of that matters without loved ones. While I will still share my basic motherhood recommendations, my outfit of the day and home decor style, all of that is fluff that really doesn’t matter. I do it because that’s what I enjoy. I’ll still share on my social media stories and direct you to my LIKEtoKNOW.it linking things I love. Just know, as you see those post it’s not because I am insensitive. I am doing it because it helps me feel normal.
Like many other business owners, I have put my heart and soul into building a brand I love. A brand I am proud of. A brand that is now closed. A brand that’s future is up in the air. While I have high hopes we will recover, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I am sad for our nation. I pray to god Driven & Epic Rain survive the recession. However I know money is replaceable and truly feel our government will do it’s part in helping everyone get back on their feet. While in quarantine, I’m going to make an effort to put my focus on being in the moment. I’m going to love on my family a little extra and create memories. I’ll soak in all the time I get, because time is precious and never guaranteed.
My heart goes out to those who have a sick child or family member they now have to worry about even more. To the brides and expecting mothers whose time of joy is now tainted. I pray for our grandparents, parents and children. While the future of what’s next is yet to unfold, one thing I know for sure is love will conquer all. We are all in this together. Wishing you all safety & health.